Question:
Help! My son and daughter are in an incest relationship with each other. What do I do?
Minnesota Mom
2006-05-07 19:25:52 UTC
My son is 14 and my daughter is 13. I don't know how long this has been going on, but I caught them this afternoon and I am still freaking out about it. What do I do to stop them? I don't want it to seem like I am punishing them, but what they are doing is very wrong and I need to make them understand that. At first I was glad they were spending time and doing things together, but that was before I found out what they were doing together. Please help!
45 answers:
BalRog
2006-05-07 19:48:46 UTC
1) Let them know that you love them. If you seem nervous or angry, it is only because you are very, very concerned for THEIR well-being.



2) Talk to them calmly and rationally about the downsides of their current relationship:

- If your daughter were to get pregnant, she would have a high chance of having a defective child.

- What they are doing is illegal, not just because of their family relationship, but because of their age. You could lose custody of your kids, your son could end up in Juvenile detention, your daughter could end up in a foster home.

- To stay together they would have to strike out on their own some place where no one knows them. They almost certainly are not ready to do that. You would not help them do that. They are almost certain to fail if they try to do that.



3) This is the really hard part. You probably will have to send either your son or your daughter to live with friends or relatives out of state for a while. They will not like it; you will not like it. The people you send him or her to live with will need to know about the whole situation and be ready to accept it.



This is serious business though; you have to be tough. They may NEVER thank you for it; they may hate you forever. But rest assured, they will each eventually find someone else to love.
2006-05-07 19:33:11 UTC
Well,-I think-before you punish them...sit them down and tell them why it is wrong to have that kinda relationship. Another thing you can probably do is ask them why they are in that kind of relationship or something similar(I would just tell them why it is wrong cuz the second part is just a suggestion) Well, anyway, if it continues then you can try counseling for them. But I cannot promise anything on account of two reasons: 1. I have never ever heard of a situation like that before 2. I am not even a mother...heck, I'm not even married.
adorable_siren
2006-05-07 19:30:16 UTC
I would separate them. Have one stay at the house and send the other to another family member. In the meantime, I would put them in rigorous counseling. What they are doing is wrong so its fitting to actually punish them and for them to understand why they are being punished. I think a big part of the issue is that they don't completely realize how immoral and wrong it is. I hope this is just some very awkward, hormonal teen phase that they'll grow out of.
pottersclay70
2006-05-07 19:31:56 UTC
I'd sit them down and talk with them and explain why it is wrong and the consequences of an incest relationship. I'd also tell them that it has to stop NOW. Let them know it is okay to talk to you about it or offer some kind of counseling outside of the home if they'd like that better. As for you take DEEP BREATHS and PRAY! You'll get through it.
2006-05-07 19:37:19 UTC
OH mamma,

you are in big trouble this time. You need to show them this site and page and the answers you got so they realize what they are doing is wrong and gross. Also, try hooking them up with other people for instice, it would be better your kids having with other kids anyways right? Imeaditly contact your doctore now, and get all of you in counsoling. Don't worry, and make sure you seperate them as much as possible for now. Get a pregnancy kit and es for sure, and stuff like that. I wouldn't get them in trouble though, and try not to yell at them,for this case you have two teenagers against you. Both of them right now could over power you, so try to reason. GOOD LUCK AND GODBLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
2006-05-08 06:36:07 UTC
You are really trying to deal with two things at once here. 1. Your children have at the same time forced you to admit that their sexually active. 2. They are experimenting sex together.



The first thing I think you need to do is talk with yourself. This is just like riding in an airplane put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. You need to accept that your are sexually active and as a responsible parent need to confront both of the children about sex. I strongly recommend against yelling at either of them or telling them never to do it again, because it will most likely drive them away from you and what your message is.



Talk to them about why they think their ready to have sex. Ask them what they have done. Maybe not, whom but how many people. Then let them know about the responsibilities that come with having sex. My suggestion is to make a pretend shopping list on what they think they would need to buy for a baby and how much having a child costs. Then take them to Wal-Mart or Target any store and show them how much kids cost. Talk to them about dangerous diseases they could get and about what they do to the body.



Once you have worked that fire down. You need to discuss with them about social morals and how in general society does not accept incestual relationships. Talk to them about what their friends, family and town could mark them as and how they could feel like they are always being talked about.

Then you need to make it perfectly clear that you do not accept it going on and that in the end it will just hurt the family.



If after you talk to them you think, your household family (not just them) needs to go see a counselor then do it together so that you can send the right message.



Finally, be strong and be prepared. I hope that you can open communication about this "taboo" subject and about sex because that is one of the most difficult barriers to break as a parent.
ginab37girl
2006-05-07 20:55:28 UTC
How do you not know that one child is being sexually assulted?? this is serious , Seek help ASAP..there is NO WAY around this, no spankings are needed here, they are confused seriously, I know you love your children as I would in your situation. I can not imagine what you are going through. But seriously look in the front of your yellow pages and you will find something there. Under health departments or such I pray for you
meanbrat1982
2006-05-07 20:49:58 UTC
Well, You need to talk to them, Explain what they were doing is wrong and why. Then, I would seek some help for them. This could scar them some day. They may not know that it is wrong, but they should know. This is a tough thing to deal with not having been there, but I would seriously seek help, and talk to them... P.S. I think that roger.glover pretty much summed it up, and I do think he is right. Yeah, in some states you could lose your kids..
GRUMPY
2006-05-07 19:30:14 UTC
You don't wnt to seem like your punishing them? WHY NOT. They are WRONG and they NEED to be corrected. They messed up big time. SO you punish them. WHERE have you been. you are the mother. You should be teaching them stuff. LIKE the FACTS of LIFE. And INCEST and stuff like that. Set them straight and do it NOW.
Tea_el
2006-05-07 19:30:53 UTC
Wow. Have you sat them both down and talked to them about what they are doing? If not, I think you need to and let them know that you are not mad at them, but you just want them to understand that it is not socially acceptable and has many long-term consequences. Like if she gets pregnant, the child could have serious defects...
smilesfromred
2006-05-07 19:28:36 UTC
wow...I feel for ya, I have no idea where to begin to handle that one. My suggestion honestly would be to get the advice of a counselor on this one. There could be some really bad repercussions if handles the wrong way. Good luck
Holiday Magic
2006-05-07 19:30:01 UTC
Get them counseling immediately!



I know how you feel, I would be freaking out too. It is unlikely that you alone can stop this behavior, please get them some professional help. (If money is a problem, look for the free or sliding scale therapy places in your area)
KAiT
2006-05-08 16:45:57 UTC
Take them to some kind of counseling. Seperate them and talk to them. Tell them that it is wrong and they shouldn't be doing things like that with each other.
RaeLynn
2006-05-07 20:23:26 UTC
You need to ask a professional how to handle this, for now I wouldn't let them spend time together at all by themselves
imgma2
2006-05-07 19:32:27 UTC
You DEFINITELY need professional help on this one. First thing in the morning call your doctor. Just keep taking one step at a time and even though denial is lurching, stifle it! It won't just go away!
2006-05-07 19:46:05 UTC
You really need to take them to therapy,Because that is nasty.And if it´s not working then try sending one of them to a family member.Just to make them spend sometime apart.Good luck.
kylekincaid13
2006-05-08 17:56:22 UTC
Just sit down and calmly talk with them about what their doing and (God-Forbid) why they are doing it. Calmly explain to them that it is not ok and about the consequnces if they have a child. If they claim their being "safe" tell them that condoms aren't always safe. (i.e. "How do you think that you got here")
TheOnlyOne_05
2006-05-07 19:32:18 UTC
Talk to them and explain that it is wrong for siblings to have a sexual relationship. And get them some help if they can't get through their teen sexual problem which they are probably expiermenting.
keana_gallardo
2006-05-07 19:32:52 UTC
Whoa!!! That's a very very big problem!! Why try to bring them



into a psychologist or something....and try to explain to them



that it's very very bad....why do such things? You don't need



to punish them or something, or it can be worse..I hope my



answers are very clear to you.
Pineapple
2006-05-07 19:28:22 UTC
Whoa! um... maybe just tell them that its wrong dont punish them but talk to them about it and if they keep on... just get her boirth control and him condoms because you really can't stop kids from doing what they want to do
Marjul
2006-05-07 19:29:51 UTC
I don't think this is one you can handle alone. You really should get some professional help. Maybe a family counselor.
Hockey Chick
2006-05-07 19:46:46 UTC
you need to be the mum



not mrs. sweet i am not seeing this i will turn my head



they need help



now!



get they to a doctor right away



this is not cool



be the mum and get them help

Now

ASAP
2006-05-07 19:30:07 UTC
Talk to them and also contact a child psychologists
?
2006-05-07 19:28:21 UTC
Are you really sure? This is freaky. Tell them if they have a child it may be deformed with one eye. Tell them to save themselves for marriage. Tell them it is wrong.
Pinoy
2006-05-07 19:29:49 UTC
Take them to doctors, he will refer them to a psycho
pflippy99
2006-05-07 19:28:46 UTC
I'm pretty sure spanking is out of the question for this one.
2006-05-07 20:43:06 UTC
i agree with answer #1 take them to dr phil
jimbobb1
2006-05-07 19:29:32 UTC
Move to Arkansas and have your husband join in.
giddyupappy
2006-05-07 19:28:33 UTC
I think I'd get counseling for them.
autyauna
2006-05-07 19:28:48 UTC
You need to get them into some kind of therapy!!!!NOW,what are you waiting for?????
sexy_trix2007
2006-05-07 19:33:54 UTC
speak to them fist.if it did not work seek professional help
2006-05-07 19:31:10 UTC
i really hope they are step brother/ sister... if they aren't woah... that's just odd. tell thaem that it is worng and explain to them that it is against god's will and they wont ever be able to get married so they should stop while they are ahead... try to get them hooked up with ot her people their age... idk... i have never heard of that one before... either you are really bored or your kids have s ome serious issues.
marvin1765
2006-05-07 19:32:21 UTC
u should tell them to meet other people and to "break up" with each other
landoflookbehind
2006-05-07 19:28:38 UTC
Man,where did you go wrong?.There is more to that story.
bronzebabekentucky
2006-05-07 19:28:24 UTC
they REALLY need some psychiatric help now.. get them to their doctors!
zara
2006-05-07 19:28:16 UTC
u need prof.help to help them .gluck
Utah Pizza King
2006-05-07 19:30:46 UTC
Beat the hell out of them!!
2006-05-08 00:10:58 UTC
i feel for u. get a psychiatric
non_stopangel
2006-05-07 19:27:17 UTC
take them to dr phil??
stlang3l
2006-05-07 19:28:59 UTC
Get a psycologist!!ASAP!!
realwomenhavebrains
2006-05-07 19:28:44 UTC
and you don't want to b punishing them why?!?
onesmaartlady
2006-05-07 19:34:10 UTC
You need guidance from someone a bit more knowledgeable than yahoo answers, my friend- Have you ever talked to them about sex and incest? DO IT NOW- and don't allow them to be alone again-



Young teens will try most anything, sexually, if allowed-



Conversations with Children Imperative

by Marilyn Van Derbur



There is a vitally important conversation that probably has never occurred to you. One of the most startling facts I have learned during the past 12 years of speaking, traveling, and reading thousands of survivor letters is how many older siblings are sexually violating younger siblings.



Research tells us that one out of three to four girls and one out of six boys will be sexually violated before the age of 18. The highest percentage are violated in their homes. Sibling incest is a serious issue that most of us have been unaware of. Just as a lock on a sliding door can help bring safety, there is something specific we can do to help keep our children safe from sibling abuse. But first we must understand the issue.



We cannot prevent what we do not understand



The estimates are that incest between siblings may be five times more common than paternal incest. Too many times I am told that parents did nothing because they said the abuse was just typical childhood behavior or they simply felt it was no big deal. Sometimes I hear "boys will be boys," as if boys can't be expected or taught to express their aggression or sexual feelings in a healthy, appropriate manner.



At what age do you believe most offenders sexually abuse? When they are 40 years old? 25 years old? At 18? The answer is 14 years old: 14-year-olds comprise the largest number of sex offenders of any age group! (Criminal Justice Source)



What can be done to keep your children safe? Alerting and educating parents about the rampant sexual activity between siblings is one of the major reasons I wrote the book Miss America By Day. I don't know how to stop a man like my father, but I do know how to dramatically reduce sibling sexual activity. Since we now know how prevalent it is, it is our parental duty to do the things we recognize can help prevent this behavior.



One of the most effective ways of preventing sexual abuse among siblings is to talk about it. My urgent plea is that you sit down with all your children as soon as possible and talk to them about what is and is not appropriate behavior.



A mother in Ohio told me she couldn't talk to her daughter because she was only 8 years old. I told her that the average age a sibling is violated is 8.2 years. The most frequently reported age when the abuse began was 5 years old. (Sibling Abuse)



If you hear yourself going into denial thinking this could never happen to my son or daughter, please stop and realize, Yes, It could! I know now that it can happen in any family because most 13- and 14-year-old children don't comprehend the long-term consequences of acting out with children who are vulnerable. Many children are troubled by their sexual impulses and drives and need to be able to talk safely with adults about how to handle these strong feelings. It is up to us to teach our children-to talk about it.



Why you need to rethink your decision to have your teenager baby sit



Fascinating new research is coming out that gives us another reason for talking to our teenagers: We now know that teenagers often do not make the most responsible, reasoned decisions because this part of their brain is still developing. (Front line PBS) The basic part of the brain that gives teenagers strategies and perhaps warns them of potential consequences isn't fully on board yet. This research reaffirms the importance of telling our children, in simple language, what is and is not acceptable behavior between siblings.



Ask your children questions



Do you know how your children feel about rape? For example, does your son believe there are certain circumstances in which rape is okay? Does your daughter think it is sometimes acceptable for a boy to rape her? You may be stunned by your children's responses, as thousands of other parents were, after reading their offspring's replies to a survey they took regarding sexual relationships.



Suggestions for how to begin conversations with children After speaking in Binghamton, New York, at a black-tie fund raising dinner for a children's advocacy center, a patrician looking man came up to me and said, "Okay. You've convinced me that I should talk to my kids, but you're going to have to help me with what I say."



This is how I might begin a conversation if my daughter Jennifer were 11 or 12 years old today. Jennifer, I read something today that I could not believe. I had to read it again just to be sure I had read it correctly. It's about a survey of what children between the ages of 11 and 14 believe about sex. It's short. May I read it to you?



I would read each statistic and then ask, How do you think your friends would answer that? (Wait for an answer.) What are your thoughts? One example: Do you believe it's okay for a boy to rape a girl if they have been dating for more than six months? (You may be stunned by their responses.)



This survey is an excellent introduction into how your children think about these subjects. You might be making assumptions about their beliefs that are not true. What better way to plunge right into it than by using this survey? (Twenty percent of the girls and six percent of the boys taking the survey said they had been sexually abused.)



Parents know that kids need to hear the same messages over and over again. We have to tell them many times to put their dirty clothes in the hamper, not on the floor. Corporations know that the way to motivate customers to buy their products is to repeatedly capture their attention in order to sell them on why they want a particular product. And what are they willing to pay to do that? A 30-second commercial during the 2003 Super Bowl was $2.2 million. That was for air time only. It can easily cost an additional million dollars to produce the commercial.



If a corporate sponsor is willing to spend $2.2 million to have you hear the 30-second message they want to send, they must have validated how important words are. Most corporations will run the same ad over and over again until we say "It just keeps going and going and going" (Energizer Bunny) or "Just do it" (Nike). No advertiser thinks you are going to remember their image if you hear it only once.



Talking with children means sharing your values and involves continuous, repetitive discussions as different opportunities arise.



One question changed my life forever. It is a question every parent should ask every child



Where sibling abuse should be discussed with all children together, this conversation is a one-on-one: "Has anyone ever touched you in an uncomfortable way?" I know that only a rare few children will answer yes to this question. Most will say no. But no doesn't always mean "no," even when children are asked a direct question. If, when your child says "no," you give a huge sigh of relief and indicate by word or gesture "oh, I am so glad," you are sending a dangerous message.



Your child may have just been testing how you would respond. If you express ineffable relief, he or she will be unlikely to ever tell you if something happens. Consider this response instead: If you ever do want to come and tell me something, just remember that we can always work things through together. Most kids don't tell because they feel ashamed. There is never anything to be ashamed of. I love you so much. There is nothing that could ever change that.



Whether your child is 5, 15, 25, 35, or 45 (I was 48 when I told my mother), do initiate the conversation. By asking that question, you may open a door for a discussion now or in the future. You have to ask; children don't tell.



Please talk with your children tonight. You will find your own way to express the thoughts. What is important is that you do it. Now! © 2005, Marilyn VanDerbur

About the Author



Former Miss America, Marilyn Van Derbur, Professional Speaker and Author, Miss America By Day Earned rave reviews from sexual-abuse professionals, victims, and parents Book details at http://www.MissAmericaByDay.com Order toll free 1-866-647-7329
piawom420
2006-05-07 19:31:25 UTC
PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSE get PRO_fessional help, Please don't wait for one more doggone answers--do it now!!!
2006-05-07 19:30:14 UTC
have him castrated
2006-05-07 19:29:37 UTC
Incest is sexual activity between close family members. Incest is taboo, and forbidden, in the majority of current and historical cultures. It is condemned and usually viewed with horror by almost all cultures today. However, the precise meaning of the word varies widely, because different cultures have differing notions of "sexual activity" and "close family member." Some cultures consider only those related by birth, others also those related by adoption or marriage; some prohibit sexual relations between people who grew up in the same household, while others prohibit sexual relations between people who grew up in related households.



Incest can occur between same-sex as well as opposite-sex relatives. It can also occur between related children as well as between parents and their children. In addition, there have been cases of incest between adult relatives.



Incest between close blood-relations is a felony in most Western nations, as well as in those nations that were colonialised by Western nations, although again the extent of the definition of "close" varies. There are wide differences between nations as to how serious the felony of incest is. In some nations, such as Australia, incest is a serious felony while in others it is a minor felony with much less serious consequences.



Contents

1 Inbreeding among animals

2 Distinctions between incest and inbreeding

3 Genetics

4 Incest versus exogamy

5 Types of Incest

5.1 Parental incest

5.2 Covert parental incest

5.3 Incest by grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings in parental roles

5.4 Sibling incest in children

5.5 Consensual adult incest

5.6 Sex between cousins and other distant relatives

6 Laws and mores regarding incest in industrialized societies

6.1 Degrees of criminality

6.2 Consensual adult incest

6.3 Incest as a topic in fiction

7 Effects of incest

7.1 Parental incest

8 History

8.1 Ancient Egypt

8.2 Royal dynasties

9 In religious traditions

9.1 In mythology

9.2 In religion

10 Fiction

11 Incest In Popular Music

12 Incest as a metaphor

13 See also

14 Mass media articles

15 External links

16 References and further reading







[edit]

Inbreeding among animals

Biologically, animals may have an aversion or inclination to inbreeding based on specific local circumstances and evolutionary trends. In some species, most notably Bonobos, sexual activity, including between closely related individuals, is a means of dispute resolution or even a greeting. Incest between family members, including parents and children occurs; however, incest between a mother and immature sons, who are less than four years old, has not been observed.



The pattern of parenting behavior combined with the structure of dominance hierarchies among many species of animals serves to discourage inbreeding. For example, offspring, in some cases only the male offspring, are often driven away by the mother at about the same age they reach sexual maturity.



[edit]

Distinctions between incest and inbreeding

The concepts "incest" and "inbreeding" are not synonymous. Incest refers to taboo sexual activity between individuals who are considered to be too closely related either socially or genetically. It is a social and cultural term, in other words, within any culture, any given sexual activity can in principle be categorized as either incestuous or non-incestuous.



Inbreeding refers to procreation between individuals with varying degrees of genetic closeness only. It is a scientific term rather than a social or cultural term. In many societies, the definition of incest relations and the degree of inbreeding may correlate positively. For example, any sexual relations between people of a given degree of genetic closeness is considered incestuous. In many other societies, the definition of incest and the degree of inbreeding may not correlate as sexual relations between certain people of a given degree of genetic closeness are considered incestuous, whereas sexual relations between other people of the same degree of genetic closeness are not considered incestuous.



The consequence of inbreeding is to increase the frequency of homozygotes within a population. Depending on the size of the population and the number of generations in which inbreeding occurs, the increase of homozygotes may have either good or bad effects.



[edit]

Genetics

Inbreeding leads to an increase in homozygosity, that is, the same allele at the same locus on both members of a chromosome pair. This occurs because close relatives are much, much more likely to share the same alleles than unrelated individuals. This is especially important for deleterious recessive genes, which are harmless and inactive in a heterozygous pairing, but when homozygous can cause serious developmental defects. Such offspring have a much higher chance of death before reaching the age of reproduction, leading to what biologists call inbreeding depression, a measurable decrease in fitness due to inbreeding among populations with deleterious recessives.



Some anthropologists are critical of including biology in the study of the incest taboo, and have argued that there can be no biological basis for inbreeding aversion because inbreeding may in fact be a good thing. Leavitt (1990) is a good representative of this point of view, writing that "small inbreeding populations, while initially increasing their chances for harmful homozygotic recessive pairings on a locus, will quickly eliminate such genes from their breeding pools, thus reducing their genetic loads" (Leavitt 1990, p.974)



Other specialists claim that this notion betrays a basic misunderstanding of basic genetics and natural selection. They argue that, while technically possible, the proposed positive long-term effects of inbreeding are almost always unrealized because the short-term fitness depression is enough for selection to discourage inbreeding. Such a scenario has only occurred under extremely unusual circumstances, either in major population bottlenecks, or forced artificial selection by animal husbandry. In order for such a "purification" to work, the offspring of close mate pairings must only be homozygous dominant (free of bad genes) and recessive (will die before reproducing). If there are heterozygous offspring, they will be able to transmit the defective genes without themselves feeling any effects. What's more, this model does not account for multiple deleterious recessives (most people have more than one), or multi-locus gene linkages. The introduction of mutations negates the weeding out of bad genes, and evidence exists that homozygous individuals are often more at risk to pathogenic predation. Because of these complications, it is extremely difficult to overcome the initial "hump" of fitness penalties incurred by inbreeding. (see Moore 1992, Uhlmann 1992)



Therefore, it is not surprising that inbreeding is uncommon in nature, and most sexually-reproducing species have mechanisms built in by natural selection to avoid mating with close kin. Pusey & Worf (1996) and Penn & Potts (1999) both have found evidence that some species possess evolved psychological aversions to inbreeding, via kin-recognition heuristics.



Given such overwhelming evidence of inbreeding depression as being an important force in sexual reproduction, evolutionary psychologists have argued that humans should possess similar psychological heuristics against incest. The Westermark effect is one strong piece of evidence in favor of this, indicating that childen who are raised together in the same family find each other sexually uninteresting, even when there is strong social pressure for them to mate. In what is now a key study of the Westermarck's hypothesis, the anthropologist Melford E. Spiro demonstrated that inbreeding aversion between siblings is predicatably linked to co-residency. In a cohort study of children raised as communal, that is to say, fictive, siblings in the Kiryat Yedidim kibbutz in the 1950s, Spiro found practically no intermarriage between his subjects as adults, despite positive pressure from parents and community. The social experience of having grown up as brothers and sisters created an incest aversion, even though genetically speaking the children were not related.



Further studies have backed up the hypothesis that some psychological mechanisms are in play that "turn off" children who grow up together. Spiro's study is corroborated by Fox (1962), who found similar results in Israeli kibbutzum. Likewise, Wolf and Huang (1980) report similar aversions in Taiwanese "child" marriages, where the future wife was brought into the family and raised together with her fiancee. Such marriages were notoriously difficult to consummate, and for unknown reasons actually led to decreased fertility in the women. Lieberman et. al (2003) found that childhood co-residency with an opposite-sex individual strongly predicts moral sentiments regarding third-party sibling incest, further supporting the Westermark hypothesis.



While the exact nature of kin-recognition psychology is still waiting to be defined, and to what degree it can be overcome by cultural forces is as yet poorly understood, an overwhelming body of research now shows that evolutionary biology and evolved human psychology plays a central role in human aversion to incest.



[edit]

Incest versus exogamy

Anthropologists have found that marriage is governed, though often informally, by rules of exogamy, which is marriage of individuals outside their own groups, and endogamy where individuals marry inside their own group. What is considered a group, for purposes of either exogamy or endogamy, varies considerably between societies. Thus, in most stratified societies one must marry outside of one's nuclear family, a form of exogamy, but is encouraged to marry a member of one's own class, race, or religion - a form of endogamy. In this example, the exogamous group is small and the endogamous group is large. But in some societies, the exogamous group and endogamous group may be of equal size. This is the case in societies divided into clans or lineages.



In most such societies, membership in a clan or lineage is inherited through only one parent. Sex with a member of one's own clan or lineage — whether a parent or a genetically very distant relative — would be considered incestuous, whereas sex with a member of another clan or lineage — including the other parent — would not be considered incest (although it may be considered wrong for other reasons).



For example, Trobriand Islanders prohibit both sexual relations between a man and his mother, and between a woman and her father, but they describe these prohibitions in very different ways: relations between a man and his mother fall within the category of forbidden relations among members of the same clan; relations between a woman and her father do not. This is because the Trobrianders are matrilineal; children belong to the clan of their mother and not of their father. Thus, sexual relations between a man and his mother's sister (and mother's sister's daughter) are also considered incestuous, but relations between a man and his father's sister are not. Indeed, a man and his father's sister will often have a flirtatious relationship, and a man and the daughter of his father's sister may prefer to have sexual relations or marry. Anthropologists have hypothesized that in these societies, the incest taboo reinforces the rule of exogamy, and thus ensures that social ties between clans or lineages will be maintained through intermarriage.



Chinese and Indian society provides an example of a society with a very broad notion of the endogamous group, as relations between two individuals with the same surname may be banned.



Some cultures cover relatives by marriage in incest prohibitions; these relationships are called affinity rather than consanguinity. For example, the question of the legality and morality of a widower who wished to marry his deceased wife's sister was the subject of long and fierce debate in the United Kingdom in the 19th century, involving, among others, Matthew Boulton. In medieval Europe, standing as a godparent to a child also created a bond of affinity.



The Bible, contains prohibitions, primarily in Leviticus, against sexual relations between various pairs of family members. Father and daughter, mother and son, and other pairs are forbidden on pain of death to engage in sexual relations. (Father/daughter incest is covered by a prohibition on sexual relationships between a man and any daughter born to any woman he has had sexual relationships with, thereby prohibiting not only incest between father and any possible daughter, but many women where it would be impossible for the daughter to be the man's.) It prohibits sexual relations between aunts and nephews but not between uncles and nieces.



[edit]

Types of Incest

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Parental incest

Incest by parents against their children, including adolescents, is considered the cruelest form of sexual offense by child psychologists and is a felony criminal offense in the United States and many other nations. Parental incest includes opposite-sex and same-sex forms committed by both fathers and mothers. Child-therapist Susan Forward calls parental incest "perhaps the cruelest, most baffling of human experiences" as it "betrays the very heart of childhood--its innocence".



Parental incest often occurs in situations where one parent is either absent from the household or emotionally or sexually unavailable. The present parent may use the child as a substitute for their missing spouse, and the missing spouse may not be present to provide a check on the other parent. Parental incest is known to do severe psychological harm to a child, due to the child's physical, mental, and emotional dependence on a parent, due to total disparity in the power of authority, due to the disparity in emotional and physical maturity, and finally due to the fact that the incestuous relationship damages or destroys healthy aspects of childhood development.



Clinical psychologist, Ken Adams states that "a common myth is that overt incest is the exception not the rule in America. This is not the case." He quotes researcher Mike Lew's estimate that there are over 40 million American adults who as children were victims of sexual abuse, 15 million of whom were men. Given the taboo nature of parent-child incest and the fact that it is committed against dependent children it is likely to be under-reported in official government statistics.



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Covert parental incest

The neutrality and factual accuracy of this section are disputed. Please view the article's talk page.



Psychologists use the term covert incest, emotional incest or psychological incest where a parent seduces a child, usually of the opposite-sex, into the role of a lover, spouse, or parent.[citation needed] This covert, non-contact form of psycho-sexual violation of a child by his or her parent is concealed within the parenting role. Covert incest violates the child with demands to protect, love, or parent, to be an intimate confidant, or to fulfill other roles that are obligations of the parent or the parent's spouse. The parent often calls the parent-child relationship "special", as in adult love, and treats the child as a peer partner. This is a show of pseudo-respect for the child's pseudo-maturity so the parent is able to seduce and use the child, within pathological parent-child role reversals, to meet the parent's needs, at great cost to the child.[citation needed]



Covert incest is deeply harmful to children, as it denies them proper parenting, betrays their innocence, and places pathological demands on them to deal with what are their parents' obligations.[citation needed] In childhood the child often feels confused, privileged, and 'old' beyond his or her years. In adulthood, children who were victims of covert incest often feel great rage towards the parent, and yet feel shame about those feelings, not being able to comprehend how the parent has wronged him or her. The demands of this type of parent-child relationship can continue into the victims adulthood, and in extreme cases, for the rest of the parent's life. Covert incest is known to cause damage similar to that associated with overt or contact incest.[citation needed]



In America (1991), there were an estimated 28 million children of alcoholic parents, in addition to an unknown number of children of parents physically addicted to other chemical substances or children of parents psychologically addicted to a host of other non-chemically induced addictions such as religion, gambling and/or sex.[citation needed] Many of these children were believed to have become victims of covert parental incest as their predatory parent used them to fill in for a physically or psychologically absent spouse, partner, and parent.[citation needed] Thus, although largely unknown outside the psychological profession, covert parental incest is seen as a widespread form of child abuse by therapists who research this phenomenon.[citation needed]



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Incest by grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings in parental roles

Other elder relatives can commit either overt or covert incest against children alone, or, in extreme cases, in combination with the child's incestuous parent. In cases where siblings are used by parents to parent other siblings, incest against the dependent siblings by the pseudo-parent siblings can occur. On a child, the psychological effect of incest by other elder or elder-appearing relatives can resemble that of parent-child incest.



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Sibling incest in children

Consensual incestuous interactions between similar-age brothers and sisters sometimes occur according to a study by Floyd Martinson who found that 10-15% of college students had childhood sexual experiences with a brother or sister, a form of child sexuality. However, where significant differences in age or capabilities occur between siblings, where elders fail to provide functional families, and/or where force or deception is used, childhood sibling incest can cause serious psychological damage to the younger or less capable sibling according to researcher Richard Niolon. Sibling incest can also damage or destroy the sibling bonds. Brian Pierce's rape of sister Devin Pierce is one of the most notorious sibling incest cases in American History.



Author Jane Leder estimates that "23,000 women per million in (America) may have been victimized by a sibling" before age 18. Researcher Andrea Peterson notes that "This may be, at best, a conservative estimate when one considers the scarcity of data, particularly where males are the victims." In treating abused adolescents, therapist Eliana Gil, shows how to transform incested-associated trauma in a case of overt brother-sister incest. She failed to show how the sister committed covert incest against her brother by using him as a substitute 'father' in this fatherless family.



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Consensual adult incest

Consensual incest between adults occurs where there is no dependence on the adults as parent-child or sibling-sibling dependence precludes independent consent. A rarely seen case of consensual incest between adult siblings is shown in the English film Sister my Sister screened in 1994, which is based on a true story. The French film, La Petite Lili, which was screened in 2005, shows a fictional case of incipient consensual mother-son incest between independent adults.



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Sex between cousins and other distant relatives

In most of the Western world incest generally refers to forbidden sexual relations within the family. However, even here, definitions of family vary. Within the United States, marriage between (first) cousins is illegal in some states, but not in others, and sociologists have classified marriage laws in the United States into two categories: One, used mainly in southern states, in which the definitions of incest are taken from the Bible, and which frowns upon marriage within one's lineage but less so on one's blood relatives, and another group which frowns more on marriage between blood relatives (such as cousins), but less on one's lineage.



Twenty-four states prohibit marriages between first cousins, and another seven permit them only under special circumstances. Utah, for example, permits first cousins to marry only provided both spouses are over age 65, or at least 55 with evidence of sterility. North Carolina permits first cousins to marry unless they are "double first cousins" (cousins through more than one line). Maine permits first cousins to marry only upon presentation of a certificate of genetic counseling. The remaining nineteen states and the District of Columbia permit first-cousin marriages without restriction.



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Laws and mores regarding incest in industrialized societies

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Degrees of criminality

The laws of many U.S. states recognize two separate degrees of incest, the more serious degree covering the closest blood relationships such as father-daughter, mother-son and brother-sister, with the less-serious charge being pressed against more distantly-related individuals who engage in sexual intercourse, usually down to and including first cousins and sometimes half cousins. In New York State, close-blood-relation incest is a felony with a maximum penalty of four years in prison, while the less serious charge is usually only a misdemeanor. Curiously, many incest laws do not expressly proscribe sexual conduct other than vaginal intercourse — such as oral sex — or, for that matter, any sexual activity between relatives of the same gender, so long as neither party is a minor. This legal position is in stark contrast with that in Australia, where incest is punishable by a maximum of 25 years imprisonment for the more serious form of penetrating a child, even if that child is over 18, and 5 years for the less serious charge of sexual penetration of a sibling or half-sibling.



Child abuse attorney Andrew Vachss notes that there is also an incest loophole in that laws of most U.S. states that "gives privileged treatment to child rapists who grow their own victims". He writes that:



"In New York, sex with a child under the age of 11 is a Class B felony, punishable by up to 25 years in prison. The law is indexed appropriately, in the chapter on sex offenses. If, however, the sexually abused child is closely related to the perpetrator, state law provides for radically more lenient treatment (emphasis added). In such cases, the prosecutor may choose to charge the same acts as incest. This (incest) is not listed as a sexual offense, but instead as an 'offense affecting the marital relationship', listed next to adultery in the law books. It is a Class E felony, for which even a convicted offender may be granted probation."



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Consensual adult incest

Consensual incestuous relations between adults, such as between an adult brother and sister, is illegal in most parts of the industrialized world. These laws are sometimes questioned on the grounds that such relations do not harm other people (provided the couple have no children) and so should not be criminalized. Proposals have been made from time to time to repeal these laws — for example, the proposal by the Australian Model Criminal Code Officer's Committee discussion paper "Sexual Offenses against the Person" released in November 1996. (This particular proposal was later withdrawn by the committee due to a large public outcry. Defenders of the proposal argue that the outcry was mostly based on the mistaken belief that the committee was intending to legalize sexual relations between parents and their minor children.)



In the wake of the Lawrence v. Texas decision by the US Supreme Court, striking down laws criminalizing homosexual sodomy as unconstitutional, some have argued that by the same logic laws against consensual adult incest should be unconstitutional. Some civil libertarians argue that all private sexual activity between consenting adults should be legal, and its criminalization is a violation of human rights — thus, they argue that the criminalization of consensual adult incest is a violation of human rights. In Muth v. Frank, the 7th Circuit Court interpreted the case applying to homosexual activity, and refused to draw this conclusion from Lawrence, however, a decision that attracted mixed opinions.



In France, incest isn't a crime in itself. Incestuous relations between an adult and a minor are prohibited and punished by law, but not between two minors or two adults.



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Incest as a topic in fiction

The degree to which even the topic of incest is forbidden varies between societies. In the United States incest is infrequently described in books or the media and then usually as a very traumatic and perverse experience (e.g. the 1994 film Spanking The Monkey in which mother-son incest takes place, leading to the latter's suicide attempt). Also in The House of Yes, a late 90's film where incest again leads only to tragedy. A depiction of an incestuous world in science fiction is Theodore Sturgeon's story If All Men Were Brothers Would You Let One Marry Your Sister?. Meanwhile in Japanese manga and anime the topic of incest is often covered in a more neutral and tolerant, sometimes even sympathetic, way. Notable series dealing with incest between major characters (to wit, siblings; most often an older brother with younger sister pairing) include Koi Kaze, Angel Sanctuary, Oldboy(Korean), Marmalade Boy (between step-siblings), Onegai Twins, and Cream Lemon (which was one of the first and most notable hentai anime).



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Effects of incest

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Parental incest

Recent findings by psychologists view non-consenting parent-child incest as a form of predation. Child abuse attorney, Andrew Vachss, calls parental incest a form of rape of a child by the child's parent. Therefore, along with the effects associated with child-rape, parental incest is seen by therapists as a double-bind form of betrayal by his or her closest caregiver. Child incest victims are often called "secret survivors", by therapists, because there is often no one to take their side much less listen to their shame, confusion, and self-loathing as incest is a taboo topic. It is known to therapists, that in many cases of such incest the non-perpetrating parent colludes with or denies the other parent's perpetration so the child does not have the other parent to turn to either.



Child victims have been observed to go into disassociated or reclusive mental or emotional states due to shame associated with their parent's predation, which is thought to overwhelm their coping capabilities. Becoming "dead inside" is another tactic children have been observed to use in an attempt to deaden the associated pain. Suppression of emotions, as well as a halt or a severe reduction in personal growth has been observed, similar to the effects studied in the psychology of torture. Child-incest victims often suffer from what is known as complex trauma due to developmental immaturity, due to repeated incests, and/or due to being forced to ignore the incest(s) as a child.



In adulthood, chronic, complex, and cyclic post traumatic stress has been observed in victims of childhood parental incest. Shame, suspicion, and unconscious alienation is thought by some psychologists to occur in the first stage of trauma transformation as the victim attempts to suppress past pain. Rage, terror, and sorrow have been observed to surface in the second stage as the victim begins to become conscious of the incest acts. In the last stage of trauma transformation, genuine self-esteem, genuine desire, and, on occasion, genuine joy have been seen in victims. These stages have been observed to take decades to complete and, in extreme cases, to cycle on until the victim's death.



Some victims of parental incest suffer severe depression, and/or have committed suicide, which is thought to be due to the inability accomplish the associated trauma transformations shown above. Some victims also predate against their own children thus resulting in a legacy of incest in following generations, a form of a vicious cycle. Often, even if trauma transformation was successful, survivors have reported that due to the betrayal of innocence, the incest-associated losses, and the trauma-transformation related costs, their lives were much worse off than peers who had not suffered incest by their parents.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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