Is it bad to be so selfish?

Question

I know it sounds bad and I'm going to get a lot of negative feedback but..

My dad is in jail for fraud, embezzlement, money laundering, and lying under oath for 5 years. He went to jail two months ago and I haven't seen him since. His multimillion dollar company went into bankruptcy in 2002. In my dad's peak, it's net value was close to $4b. Ever since then we've slowly had to sell our possessions.

Today, I was told we didn't have a box at this prestigious horse show. We have had one every year I was born. I cried. I cried over a box. Then I cried even harder. This time I cried because I never will get my beach house back, even if I'm financially secured again. All those memories, those precious three months I spent there every year since birth... gone. Then I cried because I will never get the same Hawker 800 I've had since I was little. That pilot that taught me how to work a jet when I was 8 years old? Gone. Then I cried harder because that driver who was always able to cheer me up with his tickle-fights when I was young? Gone. That chef who I used to blow my Ranch Doritoe-Breath at when I was angry? Gone. Those nannies who have raised me since birth? Gone. And I'll never see any of them ever again.

Then I didn't cry when I read an article that my dad was cheating on my mom with a playboy. I didn't cry when someone recognized my dad in public and told him what a bad father he was. I didn't cry when I learned I wouldn't see my dad for 5 more years. I didn't cry when my mom passed out on the couch from drinking too much and didn't wake up for almost twenty-four hours. I didn't cry when I was told I may have to switch schools, jeopardizing my legacy at Penn. I didn't cry when my grandfather died from cancer. I didn't cry when my dad told me he only ever went into public with my brothers and I when we were younger as a PR stunt. I didn't cry then, not at all.

But I did cry when I lost my material possessions. Why am I so selfish? I've tried to convince myself everything is just temporary and I should be fortunate for what I have, but I'm sick of believing that.

Sorry this is long. Thanks to whoever reads it and answers my question.

Answer 1

I think what's going on is that you are misplacing your emotions. The idea of you not seeing your dad for five years hasn't sunk in yet, but the loss of material things has! I think it's taking the place of grief you would be feeling over other things. It's also easier to mourn material possessions because it's something that's actually, literally gone, as opposed to someone who is just now there for you like they should be.



Think of it symbolically. The driver that is now gone represents the loss of something bigger, and the other material possessions represent the loss of everything else.



It's a lot to handle, what you're going through, and I am so terribly sorry you have to go through it. I don't think you're selfish, I just think you're confused, so take a step back and really think about the situation, though that might be scary.



Let's make one thing clear - none of this is your fault. Some people just shouldn't be parents, and you got stuck with ones that shouldn't have. Just remember that life gets better, and you'll learn to adjust to your new lifestyle! As humans, that's just what we do.



Good luck!

Answer 2

It doesn't make you selfish. That's what you were used to. That's what you grew up with, so really, that's all you know. It's like if you take a man living on the streets for years and put him in a castle; he too would feel confused and out of place. Since you grew up with those things/people, you're used to it, and they've become a part of you. That doesn't make you selfish.

People release their emotions in different ways. Just because you didn't cry, that doesn't mean you don't care. Also, with cancer, you know death is never far away. Alcoholics can change, and with your dad cheating, you can't change it. What happened, happened, and you can't change the past.

After you had to go through those things, it seems like your material things were all you had. Since your dad and mom are both basically gone in a sense, that's all you had left of your childhood. If you lost all your friends, would you not feel like a part of you was missing? Again, this doesn't make you selfish. It would be selfish if your parents were never able to afford anything, and you forced them to buy it anyways. But that's what you were given, and you are used to it. Honestly, I would feel the same way if everything I had was taken.

This kind of reminds of a book I read a while back. LOL. :]

Just remember that things can only get better. And they will. Why can't you visit your dad, by the way? Anyways, just think of the good still in your life. Even though your life may seem horrible, others would DIE to be in your situation. At least you had a good childhood, other people aren't that lucky.

Sometimes I think my life can't get any worse, and then I think how other people live, and what they're going through.

If you had to compare all the bad aspects of your life, next to another person's struggles, I am pretty sure you'll want your own problems. :]

Struggles make you stronger. You can only grow from this.

Good luck. xxx

=]



Sorry for my essay. =P

Answer 3

Well, this is sad and I do feel for you. But I have been very very low income my whole life, and believe me, it's not bad. Not having anything makes it so much better when you get something. I would kill to have even 3 days of your old life, I really would. When you feel sad, turn it around and thank God for even having that for a while. There are millions who would do anything to have even a house they own. You're luck will turn back around. You say you are 14, so make your own life. Go to college and be successful and someday you will have all this again, only you will have worked for it next time and it will mean even more to you. And don't break the law like your father did, period. Nothing bad at all. Because now you see what that gets you. Good luck and I sincerely hope you feel better.

Answer 4

This sounds.. so sad. I really dotn even know what to say.. I really wish I could help. I cant relate to this.. and I really dont even know what to say.. But maybe you should take this as a fresh start, get a job or something at the mall? Try something new.. and if moneys what your family needs that job will be a great start. I know working might not sound fun.. but itll teach you to be independant and itll give you some pride in a job well done.

Answer 5

It isn't bad.

Maybe you didn't know how to express your feelings.

You were confused, scared.

So you held back your feelings.

Your material possessions are all you have now, so you were sad.

I get sad too hahaha :P

You have gone through alot.

And even though you didn't know how to deal with it, you are getting used to it.

It is kinda like a lamp post on a street, nothing new.

It is jsut there.

Answer 6

I don't think you should feel guilty for what others are doing to themselves. Only if you feel like crying then you should cry. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.



I guess this is part of your question- The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.-Socrates



I forgot to add that life goes on and someday you will cry and then maybe... you won't feel selfish anymore

Answer 7

Take this as a learning lesson to change your life and not make the same mistakes when you grow up...focus less on yourself and more on others and you will be much happier and help make the world a better place...remember no matter how bad you think you have things there are always others who have it much much worse!

Answer 8

Sorry, but it is a little. I have grown up with hardly any money and trying to horse back ride. I don't think on either sides of my family for generations we have ever been wealthy. It;s fine to say that you miss that kind of stuff but the reality is you will probably never have that kind of wealth again. My advice would be, jist be thankfull for what you have. Mentaly say what you are gratefull for in your head like "I am grate full for having food to eat and a roof over my head" that sort of thing. Live life to the fullest and charish the time when you did have that kind of $$. If you say what you are greatfull for then that might ease that tinge of selfeshness here and there.



I hope this helped, I have never had that kind of experiance but I know a girl who did so ya....



Horsey Girl =)

Answer 9

wow, your going through a tough time. try to look positive at things. i actually dintt know what to say. it seems that you had a really great life until all of this happened. how about you try to look for some help like aprofessionall. they might have an answer.

i really hope that some day you might get through all of this. Try to look forward and in the future. not in the past.

Answer 10

I don't think you're that selfish. You cried because of the lost memories. Those items are all things you want around because they hold child hood memories. I think maybe you didn't cry about your family is that you are angry at them. I know if the things you described happened to me i would be mad at my family.

Answer 11

You're not selfish. Anybody in your situation would be mourning the loss of their old life. It's gotta be tough for everyone in your family! I'm sorry you have to go through it :(

Just remember to take it easy on your mom, I'm sure it's hitting her really hard and she's going to have to adjust to a new life too.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel angry. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and it WILL get better someday, I promise! Good luck dear

Answer 12

Neophyte: Stop being so sarcastic dude. Not cool.



Look I get we all have some difficult times we go through and it seems like you haven't had a lot of stability through your life, so I think holding on to all of those people who've raised you and those places you've grown up, is your way of trying to maintain the stability in your life.

Answer 13

i dont think it is. no one can blame you. everything you've lost is all you've known. all you've ever had. it brought you happiness. the way you make your dad seem (like whe you said "dad told me he only ever went into public with my brothers and I when we were younger as a PR stunt") you guys didnt seem close at all. idk about your mom, but probably (im asuming) you didnt have a close relationship with your parents && grandfather. you did, however, cried because you were losing your chef, nannies, && driver(people you grew close to && were there for you). && all those other things that brought you happiness.



hope you feel better && everything works out!



EDIT: im not saying you dont care about your parents or grandfather, i just meant that probably, you didnt react as strongly to this situations because they havent hit you as hard. or maybe its just something you're strong enough to handle? idk how to explain it...

Answer 14

well i understand you are going through a hard time, but maybe you should worry about all the other things and people and don't be so selfish. but i understand if all you care about is you. you just have to stay strong through all of this, always respect yourself, if you don't no one will. you just have to believe in yourself and know that things are going to be okay. just keep on going hun :)

Answer 15

Some times yes but in your situation i think no

Answer 16

If you are serious, and I have my doubts, you obviously have a value system that respects material possessions more than the people in your life.



People mistakenly think that people with money are happy or happier than the general population.



But your tale proves the opposite. The people in your life are your riches not your material rewards. But you don't know that.



To thine own-self be true. If you are unhappy about your lost possessions I am sorry for you. I do hope, in your lifetime sometime, you'll be able to replace the material possessions with people. They'll bring you much more joy, and then you'll know you've arrived.



Good luck.



Peace.

Answer 17

I don't know if selfish is the word. I'd say more like...devilish.

You ask if it is bad ? Look at yourself right now, and yourself that question

"Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil."