Is it normal for a 10 year old girl to scream at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way or is...

Question

sent to her room for incessant whining? My step-daughter continuously whines and complains. When she gets upset she screams at the top of her lungs. Any advice on how to stop this before it gets worse?

Answer 1

No it's not normal. She does it to get attention and because she is angry and cannot express it any other way.

You can't stop it. She has to do that. But you CAN continue to let her know that it is not acceptable behavior. When she starts it, remain calm, do not raise your voice. Tell her until she can act more maturely, that you will not talk to her. Then tell her to go to her room. If she refuses, then you and the rest of the family (if necessary) leave the room and leave her there to pitch a fit.

When she is done, she needs to apologize and say out loud exactly what she did that was wrong and WHY it was wrong. THEN and only then do you give her any attention.

I suspect that she has anger issues due to the divorce. And she probably pulls this crap with her mother and poor mom just gives in to shut her up.

Don't give in on this! You have to be MORE stubborn than her. And keep enforcing the rules. But it's important that you don't raise your voice or even appear to be upset by it. Act like her fit is no big deal, but it IS against the rules. If you stop paying any attention to her fits, eventually she will realize that it isn't having any effect on her.



I have a girlfriend who was widowed very young and raised her little girl on her own (the girl is now getting her master's degree) Anway she was about 12 or 13 and she tried to pull that same thing. Screaming, slamming doors etc. My friend very calmly waited until she stopped. Then, when everything was calm, she took her by the hand and led her outside to the porch. She explained that this was where she was going to be sleeping from now on. The girl was shocked and want to know why. My friend, very sweetly explaind that since she was acting like an animal, that was where animals slept...outside. She gave her a blanket and pillow and kissed her goodnight and went inside and left her there. After about 10 minutes, a tearful little girl came in with a big apology. She was forgiven and all was well. The lesson was learned.



Of course, there is a time that you need to have a show of force. This same woman I know once responded to the slamming of the door by her daughter (16 at that time) by kicking it in and grabbing her daughter by her long pony tail and reminding her that "she brought her into the world and she was going to take her out!". When her daughter threatened to call the authorities, she said " Fine, then I will make GOOD and SURE they have a reason to take you by the time they get here!.

She got the message. And my friend NEVER fixed the hole in the door....just as a reminder.



*** where is Dad in all this? why isn't he stepping in and laying down the law with her?**** Most likely, it's HIM she's mad at anyway. He should be meeting with his ex and discussing it with her. If they have any kind of decent relationship regarding their daughter, they should sit her down together and let her know that this behavior will not be tolerated at EITHER house. Once she sees a united front, she'll get the message.



If the ex won't work with you, you'll just have to do the best you can. In the long run, she'l respect you more than her own mother for helping her to become someone pleasant instead of an out of control brat!



good luck!

Answer 2

family counseling may be a big help .



My niece was a screamer too. Her mom finally could not take it and any time she screamed she was sent to her room and not allowed to come out until she was finished screaming and could come back to the family like a normal person. As for the whining we just ignored her until she asked in the correct tone of voice. The phrase I can only understand you when you speak correctly was used quite often. Also when she does use the proper tone we tell her how nice her voice sounds when she is polite. It took a few months but for the most part she does not whine and scream anymore

Answer 3

No. She hasnt been given the tools and skills to cope. And probably, her frustration with having so few tools adds to the screaming. She knows the diff between right and wrong. Some where she has learned that screaming works. Stop the negotiations. Set some very clear house rules and stick to them. In my house, the big FIVE are always my business: Education, Safety, Food, Shelter and Reasonably Entertained. Anything more is gravy they have to earn---anything less IMO is neglect. Make one or two rules you dont care about just for practice. Something that if she is busy breaking that rule you wont freak and she'll just be busy. Its the best advice I was ever given. Talk to her, she is probably under a great deal of peer pressure and academic pressure. The new standards have created a competitive environment that just isnt good for learning. Girls her age are getting pregnant and experimenting with drugs---she probably already knows of someone who is, even if its someone who is older than her. If she tends to be more innocent and naive she is probably feeling the pull more intensely becaue she doesnt fit in. Establish a dialogue. Make it clear that you love her and that you are in charge. Be open to discussing your house rules. Be open to changing them. You need to know the diff between being flexible and being a coward. Trust your instincts and trust your daughter. Say a prayer. If you establish a good healthy dialogue now....you will reap great benefits later.....

Answer 4

oh gosh. its really hard for girls to deal with stepmoms. they feel like you're taking away from their real mom. It's awkward. I'm sure she just screams to get you upset though. you have to call her bluff and just act as if it doesnt bother you. in fact.. let her scream more so that her mouth hurts after a while. if you discipline her she won't listen and then im sure the ex will get involved. If i were you i would just sit her down, give her some one on one time with you. maybe take her out for lunch and don't discuss the rules. then maybe she'll give you more respect. don't buy her toys or anything because then she'll feel like you're giving in. i have a stepsister who is horrible. she comes over and treats my family like we're dirt. she's a nasty person and my mom and i can not stand her. if you are able to work things out i really hope you can! especially when they're are young.





don't forget.. her mom may be influencing this behavior as well.





hope i helped.

Answer 5

I'll be checking back for the responses to this as I have a 7yr old SD that does this. She'll even sit in a corner and pout or cry if her dad tells her "no" or "not right now" and god forbid she be sent to her room. I think her problem is she always wants to be center of attention she's been like this since she was 3 and is very demanding and extreamly hard to bond with as a result of her actions..



Like I said I'll be checking back in for ppls responses but I am sure most ppl will not be dealing with step children in regards to their answers because if its the same in your house hold the husband gets defensive and nasty if you bring up behavior issues of the child

Answer 6

Yes send her to her room and make sure you don't give her what she wants at that moment, take things away. The longer she whines the more you take away. Ignore her and if you don't nip this in the bud it will get worse i can guarantee it. Make sure her father is 100 percent behind you in this you guys need to take a united stand in this you and the x and her father. Step parent of a 12 yr old.

Answer 7

Don't listen to her unless she's talking in a rational tone of voice. She will continue to have problems controlling her emotions her whole life until she learns to curb this behavior. I know, because I was the same way. She probably has some issues she needs to work out, and she needs to learn how to speak calmly even when she's upset. It's just regular growing up stuff. Some kids learn to handle themselves earlier than others.

Answer 8

this might seem slightly chilly yet get some counseling for her. She is somewhat pissed off astonishing now. She is pitting you against her dad and she or he's scared. she will't permit you recognize the way she is feeling or what she is feeling. So she screams and yells and something to allow you recognize she is pissed off. Hug her, tell her you like her and permit her understand you will continuously be there for her. reliable good fortune.

Answer 9

Do you give her attention when she screams??? If so stop. Good attention or Bad Kids look for a reaction. Have her go to her room and say I get you are upset for what ever reason but if you want to scream you have to do it in your room.And then tell her when she is Calm and wants to talk about it you are ready.You can also tell her when she is that loud you can't help her because you can't hear her.

Answer 10

10 is to big to be throwing screaming fits. Send her to her room and tell her she can't come out till she acts her age. And let her no this behavior will not be tolerated. Time to sit down with parent and put some rules in place that you will both make her follow. And stick to them.

Answer 11

sounds like a case of spoilt brat itus lol. I used to do the same till about the age of 7. My parents just stopped giving in to me i soon gave up the winging. It may feel horrible ignoring her while she's screaming the house down but it's for her own good she'll respect you both for it in the future xxx

Answer 12

NO, beat her butt! If you cant do it get her father too. Don't go into the room when she whines or screams, Ignore it. She will stop, also don't give her what she wants or take stuff she like away. Tell her mother too, She has to learn you scream or whine you don't get stuff. Its the way of life!

Answer 13

It sounds like this is the behavior that she's used to using when she's not happy. The best thing to do with the support of her father is to tell her she's acting like a small child and do not reward this behavior with giving her what she wants or even making a big deal about it.

Leave the room

Answer 14

Thats ridiculous. Just leave her in her room till she figures out that screaming isnt gunna help her. Maybe Im wrong, but it sounds like she found out that if she screams loud enough, she will get attention. Give her loving when shes good (take her places) and when she throws tantrums ignore her.

Answer 15

spare the rod & spoil the child. give her a good old fashion spanking, oh i forgot that's unlawful. so what do we do let them run over us? i would send her to her room and take all her things out that she love and let her stay in there. she'd only come out for school, food , & bath room breaks.

children are smarter than we give them credit for and will sometimes play parents against each other so it's important that you and your spouse are on the same page. it's also important not to argue with the other parent on how to discipline the child in front of them!

prayers also important

Answer 16

ohh, what a spoiled girl. kids throw tantrums but 10 is too big to be acting like that.



ignore her when she whines. tell her u r not going to listen to her until she stops whining. do not give in to her requests when she whines and has a fit. don't send her to her room, take priveledges away like tv and telephone.



tell her if she wants to act like a baby she will get punished like one. give her a naughty chair.

Answer 17

NO, she sounds like a brat and is pushing every button possible. Stay very strict and consistent with her discipline and some counseling may help also. She may be lashing out regarding her parents divorce or separation.

Answer 18

no it not uncommon for this to happen if the parents spoiled her through out her childhood. The parents need to start showing discipline and take action before it is to late.

Answer 19

just wondering has she got very mild autism? my lil bro behaved like this she will problerbly grow out if it (probly just in time to start her puberty tantrums)

Answer 20

Hate to break it to you - it probably will get worse. Just wait a few years.

Answer 21

beat her w/ a large bat, or any blunt object, jk