Broken
2010-02-21 18:06:11 UTC
Hannah: Hey,
Okay first of all when is the final performances for romeo and juliet?
Me: this is your problem? lol, tuesday wednesday thursday.
Hannah: Well sorta ill exlplain in a sec... is it this week or next??
Me: this week. rehersal tomorrow after school, final dress rehersal tuesday at 1, performances at 7 (actors and stagehands be there 630 latest) tuesday wednesday thursday.
Hannah: Okay. im a stagehand cause mrs dhillion told me i needed to make sure everything is going good and ppl are quiet during the performance. so i get to be backstage with everyoneee heheee im so excitedd.
Me: anyway, whats the issue?
Hannah: ughh your going to think im so emotional. please dont tell anyone!!!
Ok, the whole reason i offered to be a stage hand and help with the painting and stuff is because i wanted to see jonny. I cant stop thinking about him. I gettt so mad at myself because when he's around me i cant be myself and i keep thinking that if i cant be my self around him then i should for get about him. and i keep trying to but it just hasnt worked.
During the play practices i keep looking at him all the time and i get paranoid that he thinks i have a staring problem cause when i look at him he always looks at me. and its sooo embarresing!
Ughh and during class im always so self consous about every little detail. im glad that i havent been acting so stupid around boys lately because i dont want him to think im fake when honesly i am and i REALLY WANT TO CHANGE.
I cant believe im telling u this but i used to always act stupid on purpose just to get attention from the guys so that jonny would think im sooo cool. but all that did was make him think i was stupid and fake. and he likes smart funny nice girls and if i actually be who i am and be the real me around ppl i would be smart and not so perverted but i sorta changed myself for him when he didnt even like it.
Half of this probably wont make sense to you. idk whats wrong with me but im letting it all out cause its been inside me for so long and i feel like your the only person that would idk hellp me and not tell anyone.
Me: aww its ok hannah :( i dont think your emotional i swear. if you heard what i was upset about you would think i'm crazy. you will be fine. If he doesnt see what a great person you are by now hes not worth your time.
Hannah: Ughhhhhhh thanks libbb!!!!!!!!!
Do u want to talk about it? I will not tell anyone.
Me: no, i think im ok with just jonny knowing. sorry if that sounds mean...
Hannah: Noo its ok, i understand. i wouldnt want ppl besides the one person i trust knowing it either!!
Me: its not that hes the only person i trust, hes just like...
You know that person who gives like, THE best hugs? That no matter how hard you try, you cant stay mad at? And they can always make you feel better? Thats him.
And its not that i dont trust you, i just trust Jonny over all the girls i've ever known. I trust him more for this particular string of events.
Hannah: Mmm hmm. Yes he is that kind of person. This is going to sound very DRAMATIC. but he encouraged me to change who i am to a better, smarter, nicer person, and a person that could respect other ppl.
Me: and he didnt even mean to :) thats not dramatic, its super sweet.
Hannah: Yeah i know. he doesnt even know it at all to. lol
Me: i dont think he's noticed cause youre not talking around him anymore! ya gotta just talk like youre talking to me, except without all the girly stuff and none of the stuff about him :) he says alot of interesting stuff, try and talk about what he says.
Hannah: Ok like give me an example of the interesting stuff.
Me: like the conversation about the furbies we had while we were painting the sets on friday!
Hannah: Oh...