18, 5wks pregnant, and worried. What now?

Question

18, 5wks pregnant, and worried. What now?

Answer 1

Yes, I have dealt with abortion. I felt relieved and an incredible sense of joy. I had asked God for a sign, and God gave me several signs it was the right thing to do. There is plenty of time to have children when you are more mature and more able to deal with the responsibility. I believe what the Bible tells me, that life begins when God breathes life into a being (Genesis 2:7) at birth. Before that, the soul has not entered the body, and is not a life, simply a parasite (look up the definition of parasite, people). Abortion is not murder, but I realize that a lot of people like to use that as a buzz word to try and make their position seem more right and moral.



I've seen a lot immorality in people having children when they should have gone the abortion route, and what pains me are those poor children who were doomed to life, not given the right to life by being born.



I, too, was 18. And that was many, many, many years ago. There has never been one day of regret or upset. I never would have been able to give the son I had later a good home and a good life. My son, by the way, was killed by a drunk driver on his 12th birthday. Now, talk about life-long pain and regret. Putting a child up for adoption is only going to cause more issues.



Wait until you are ready to do it right. Besides, it really isn't your boyfriend's decision -- he may not always be in the picture, but YOU will always be.

Answer 2

i know i'm going to get a load of thumbs-down for this but abortion is NOT a sin. If you're not financially stable, it might be quite hard to give your baby the best life possible that you want it to have.

Since your boyfriend is pro-life, I think you should compromise and go for adoption.

Good luck!

Answer 3

When my ex got pregnant, we were both very young and both agreed for her to abort the baby.

You and you boyfriend should talk about it. you said that his ex didnt consult him on the abortion and thats what made him mad, however if you was to consult him by sitting down and talking to him, maybe we will accept that at the time the baby might not be the right time. Or you might both decide to have the child.



I wouldnt advise going behind his back, im sure you wouldnt :-) you dont want your relationship to break down



all the best in whatever you choose

Answer 4

My sister-in-law had a child after she was talked out of abortion. Yes, she put the boy up for adoption five months after she gave birth. She did not feel that rush of "maternal love and joy" that women are supposed to feel when they are handed their baby for the first time. She had a miserable pregnancy, her "I'll-love-you-and-be-with-you-forever-let's-get-married-now" boyfriend --who was one of the people who talked her out of an abortion -- left her when she was 8 months pregnant, and she had severe post-partum depression to the point she was likely to hurt her child. Her parents cursed her for getting pregnant and most of the family shunned her (so, those people who say the family stands behind them don't know it all), as did many of her friends. My sister-in-law has been hospitalized for depression and had to take a lot of drugs because of it. She feels like her life and her life's ambition were wasted by having the baby at 19. She never was able to finish college, and now works as a Head Cashier for the local supermarket for a grand $9.25/hr.



The people who adopted her baby were well-to-do and established, but they only wanted a child as the accessory d'jour (like their fancy car and big house), and the child was raised by a nanny. The boy, now 17, has been in and out of trouble, and is now serving a 6-year sentence for raping and sodomizing a 12-year old girl. The girl he raped has been severely psychologically damaged for life, and her parents actually said they wished he had been an abortion.



My sister-in-law did everything she could to avoid pregnancy because had an IUD, used a condom, even foam, but still managed to get pregnant a second time. She had an abortion, and felt great about it with no regrets. In fact, she wishes she would have had an abortion the first time, as it would have saved a lot of people heartache.



She is now happily married and the mother of two bright, cheerful little 4-year old boy and girl twins whom she adores. But, she knows that life would be better and easier for all of them if she hadn't had that first child when she was a teenager.



With an abortion, you can always have a child when the time and circumstances are right. If you have a child, you can't send it back.



God luck hun.

Answer 5

I am pro-choice as well, I know many people who have gone through the process, but I believe that unless you are raped or there is a medical issue, abortion is an irresponsible choice. If you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to deal with the consequences.



All the "abortion is murder" crap comes from people who are force-fed their opinions and haven't done any actual scientific research into the issue.

Answer 6

Oh great, another person advocating "have a baby, get welfare."



I work for social services and I daily I see the destroyed and depressed lives of women -- some as young as 12 -- who have been talked out of, believe abortion is murder, or simply couldn't afford an abortion. Suzy Cutes made a good point -- Right to Life, or Doomed to Life. I see so, so many children doomed to life. They will not be as educated, have the opportunities, have the love, or the respect they deserve. Statistically, these children will be on welfare themselves and produce welfare offspring. And all this in a world that can barely handle the population as it is.



I have had two abortions. One was when abortion was still illegal, and it cost my parents the equivalent of my first year of college. The second one was legal and cost $350. I have never regretted one of them. I am also a Christian and in very good standing with my church and congregation. I also have two wonderful children who are the light of my life.



I, too, am pained when I hurt an animal. I cry when I have to dispose of mice, or when one of the cats catches an animal. But those are creatures that have already had life.



In my very vast experience, as I also council, the only women who have problems with abortions are those whose family and friends were not supportive of the abortion, but, instead, run the "murder" and "you're going to hell" gamut.



You're just putting your baby on hold. I don't doubt for a minute that the two fetus I aborted came back to me when God decided the time was right.

Answer 7

Hi

I understand your situation. I got pregnant in my junior year of college. My bf was also my best friend. We had the baby, got married after he was born and I feel we made the right choice. That was 15 years ago, and we now have two children.



I am also pro-choice and believe this is your decision. Think about what feels right for you first before you think about everyone else. I was very afraid to tell my family, but people were SO much more understanding than I had thought.



I think you should get advice from a professional - you can start by calling Planned Parenthood. Don't let any professional talk you into making either choice. It's you're body, your life. You can still go to finish school with a baby, but of course it's much more difficult. The fact that you have a good relationship with the father should mean that he will support you either way. Also, adoption may be an option.



Personally, I did not feel that lack on financial resources was a solid enough reason to go through with an abortion. However you may. Get as much advice as possible, give yourself time to breathe, pray, meditate and the right decision for you will come.

Answer 8

I think you should consult a planned parenthood counselor cause this desicion will be the biggest one you make in your life. I know you think your family would be upset but I think they will comfort you in this time of need. This is your life and your body so you will be altimitly the one that will make the best choice for yourself. Please do me a favor and talk to someone about it before you do anything. Please dont let it it pro-long and think it will be forgotting cause it cant lead to bigger problems later. Good luck

Answer 9

i PERSONALY havent but my aunt has....if you really dont think your ready for a child, then abortion is the only way. My aunt had to because she was only 17. She said she felt bad. But after awile she knew the baby wasnt ment to be

Answer 10

While finances may not be the best reason in the world to have an abortion, it certainly isn't the worst. It is a shame more people don't think about that aspect, and just expect some family member or government agency to come in and help bear the burden.



While it seems the answers are heavily weighted to the "you'll regret it the rest of your life," I don't believe that one bit. Yes, some women will regret it for the rest of their lives, but according to a study done by Fordham University Sociology students, only 29% of women who had abortions had deep-seated regrets. While, of women who considered abortion but had a child anyway, the regrets were 45%.



But, you are you, and only you can decide which group -- if any -- will fall into. But, I'm glad to see that you are thinking about your future and your stability before bringing a child into this world, and if you have doubts.... Having a child is a life-long commitment, and at 18, you are so, so, so young, with so much of your life ahead of you. Get solid and stable first.



Be a leader, not a follower.

Answer 11

I'm not married, I have no children, but I've seen what happens to people my age who are pregnant. My cousin and her boyfriend had sex, and although he said he'd be there to help her raise the baby, he skipped town the night his son was born and hasn't made any contact since - and that was almost 4 years ago!



A lot of my friends are conservative on the matter, so I usually don't bring it up. I have mixed feelings about abortion: if you had sex with your boyfriend then you should live with the consequences of raising the child. But if it was rape, then I feel that you should have the right to abort the baby, considering that you've already been violated and raising a child that was conceived in a brutal crime case is very torturous, emotionally and physically.



The only person who can make this decision is you. Yes, it is okay to take in the opinions of others, but this is your pregnancy, not anybody else's. I'm pro-choice, but I don't think I could go through with having an abortion of my own. Could you?



P.S. - I think you should tell your family about this. Believe it or not, they love you and will support you through virtually everything.



Good luck.

Answer 12

I was pregnant when I was your age. We parented the child, got married and have pretty much lived happily ever after. Corny, but true.



However, there are a LOT of sacrifices to be made when you are a teenage parent. I prefer to use the phrase "being a parent" than "keeping the baby." IMHO, the former does a better job of addressing the lifetime responsibility while the other sounds like you're keeping a doll instead of taking it back to the store. You'll be a parent long after your child has stopped being a baby.



Anyway, first thing, you are only 5 weeks along, so you have time to make a decision. There's no need for you to make a choice today, or next week. You sound like an educated and reasonable young woman, so do your research.



I believe the financial aspect of parenting is transient. There are many resources out there to help young parents, including aid to keep you in school. Once you graduate, you'll have your own money coming in. Don't let money be your only factor in your choice!



The better question is, are you ready to be a parent? It is, as I said, a big sacrifice, but it is incredibly rewarding all the same. I have no regrets with my choice. But I decided I was ready to parent. It's a question only you can answer.



I also ask that you consider adoption as an alternative to abortion. I know you said that if you go through pregnancy and labor that you wouldn't choose adoption, but please hold off that decision until you researched it.



ETA: I'm not suggesting that you make government assistance a way of life. The purpose of those resources are to give people some help when they need it. Use that help to finish school, then you won't need it anymore.



Good luck.

Answer 13

I know you posted this not looking for opinions but advice.



I have NOT dealt with it.

I am pro choice too, I can't say i know what your going through.

If you get the abortion fine, just say you learned something about it so you don't have 40 abortions before your ready.

Do not attempt a miscarriage.

Adoption is always an option ( i would not personally do it cause they would grow up to hate you and ask why didnt you want me?)

What ever you do i would let your boyfriend know and tell your family when you are both ready and try to tell them in person.

Happy or not about it they should support you no matter what.



Good luck!

Answer 14

First of all, let me say-I am completely 100% pro choice. I've never been pregnant myself. However, I've had 2 friends who accidentally got pregnant. One decided to abort, and one decided to keep the baby.



The one who kept her baby is happier than ever, and we couldn't imagine life without him. Even if he wasn't born into the best circumstances, he is a happy baby and I'm sure will grow up to be a good guy. When she got pregnant she just couldn't bring herself to abort, so it was a strong feeling of hers, and she has never regretted it once.



The friend that aborted, well she was never the same after that. She was sad. She began to self destruct by drinking and doing LOTS of drugs..hanging out with a bad crowd, etc. I believe that she should have kept the baby, it might have made her grow up a little bit. Not to to say that the abortion was the thing 100% behind all of her behavior. She did have other things going on in her life...so, ya know..



Seriously, I'm 100% pro choice, and have always thought I would get an abortion if I got pregnant by accident. But after seeing my one friend and how happy she is with her son...i would definitely think long and hard before having the procedure.



(not a Christian either, btw!)

Answer 15

I am also pro-choice. I feel that a woman has the right to choose what to do with her own body. She (and a partner if he knows) are the ones who have to deal with the consequences. I know people who have had abortions and some are all about themselves and don't care about the babies at all. Some have even had several abortions. Others still think about the what if's later on and even struggle with the decision years later. If you feel bad for killing a squirrel I think you will have an extremely hard time with this.



I personally got pregnant when I was 17 and my BF was 16. We had been together for almost 2 years and we decided to keep it. I had just graduated from HS and wondered about my future. Neither one of us were financially stable. We also felt that some day we would like to marry each other. With help from my parents and his parents, everything worked out fine. They provided a roof over our heads and medical insurance. Financially, my BF and I worked part time in order to provide our son with everything he needed. We never asked our parents for money and we never received any kind of government aid. Our lives took strange turns but in the end all of us are happy. My son is now 7 and I couldn't imagine my world without him. My BF, well, we stayed together and 6 years into our relationship we got married and have been married for 4 years.



This is a decision that you and your BF have to make together. Consider all options. If you decide to keep it, make sure you have lots of support. There will be ups and downs and going to school and raising a child is lots of work. BUT, it is possible.

Answer 16

Well.....

1. How sure are you that you will be with this guy for your whole life?

If the answer isn't clear maybe you should get an abortion. Let's just say you guys break up. You would probably fight for custody. I just had a friend who had a baby in high school with her ex and she was going through a huge custody battle and he got the child. She was so depressed. Or maybe you should put it up for an open adoption. When you give your child up for adoption you can still be involved in the kid's life.





2. Will you drop out of college if you have a baby?

Your education is extremely important right now, if you dont drop out can your boyfriend watch the child? Just don't drop out. You need to stay in college because it will help you the rest of your life.



Also, I think you need to tell your family. They will help you! People make mistakes! Tell them everything and ask for advise.



GOOD LUCK SWEETHEART.

Answer 17

this is ENTIRELY your choice, not his! If you feel unable to continue with this pregnancy because it's not the right time then dont. your bf may not like it but if he cares about you he should respect your choice. he will NEVER be the one left to cope on his own, you, however may be. has he offered to marry you?

I have experience of abortion and it was fine, I felt nothing but relief! and years on haveing had children I still feel fine about it. dont let anyone tell you abortion is murder, at the moment all it is is a cluster of cells. Do not ruin your life because other people put pressure on you. the decidion you make now will effect the entire rest of your life. choose wisely.

Answer 18

i think you are a smart girl because you are thinking about this...i was a single mom at 18(and also in college like you) for 11 years...it was hard but i made it with my family's help...because of personal beliefs, i chose not to abort or have my child adopted...i got 0 help form my child's father...my cuzn has had an abortion and 13 yrs later she still gets horrible nightmares and guilt trips...in this day and age, you will have more help from the government and other agencies(do u have a church)than i did back in 1993. now i'm married to another man and very happy, my daughter is beautiful and is a freshman in HS. best of luck, will pray for you three!

Answer 19

There is no easy answer, you will undoubtedly regret an abortion always. It is a natural human response.



Having a child is so hard. It will take over your life as you know it. I had my first at 20 and was overwhelmed and when he was 3, I had an abortion. It was with my now husband's child. We both think of it often and since have had 3 more.



I can tell you from experience that you should just go with your heart and have FAITH. That will be all you need to help you through. You have the strength to continue on with school and a career. Believe me a child will give you more motivation that you can imagine.



BTW...at first it will be really hard, but it does get easier!

Answer 20

If you get an abortion, you're probably going to regret it down the line.

I had one when I was sixteen, and my relationship with my then-boyfriend was slightly abusive, I was on anti-depressants, I was starting to do horribly in school, I had very little income, and he had none. So, the best thing I could think of was abortion, only because I knew that if I stayed pregnant and decided to give the baby up for adoption, that would have been even harder on me.

The very moment the procedure was over, I felt like dying. I was ashamed and in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally.



A year ago, I had a very difficult miscarriage, and again I felt a lot of shame and disappointment for having had that abortion. I became very scared that I'd never be able to have a baby, because sometimes an abortion can harm your cervix and make it more difficult for a pregnancy to 'stick'.

I feel so blessed now to be 38 weeks pregnant with a perfect little girl, and if I could go back in time, the abortion would have never happened and I would have put the baby up for adoption, and tried to stay in contact with the adoptive family.



The choice is really yours and your boyfriend's. It's a very big decision, as some people don't realize. Just think it over for awhile. You have your reasons and that's all that matters. If it seems right, then go for it, but if you think you don't want to, then don't. No one is making you decide either way. Good luck.

Answer 21

The only person who can make this decision is you!! That is all the advice I can give.. I did have one long long ago it was the worse thing ever but I knew it was right at the time, does it still bother me YES!! But I think things would be worse if I were to have had a child at that age..

Answer 22

If it's not the best idea [or choice] to have a baby right know, I would get one. But only if it's really the worst time possible. If you are up to having a baby, and can have one, and take care of it ALL the time, then keep it.

Answer 23

That's a tough one to answer. I'll try my best...



I think you should TALK with your BF and your PARENTS first before doing anything so that you would have a clear picture of what your options are.



If you feel you're not ready yet to talk to them, talk with a friend to help you get ready and provide you support when you do decide to talk to them.

Answer 24

Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be worth it? Definitely. In your case the father actually wants to be there. You can do it. It may not be the best time but that's not the baby's fault. I was young when I got pregnant with my first. Somehow, me and my husband now, made it work. One look at that baby and I fell in love. The love you have for your child cannot be explained. You might really regret getting an abortion. Your boyfriend even talked about marriage? It sounds to me like you guys got a good chance of making it work. Good luck on whatever you decide.

Answer 25

Keeping or aborting, Neither are easy choices.



I would talk to a counselor and one that is open to both choices.



Finally it is your choice.

Answer 26

Well... you have to decide what you want. My sister was 16 when she got pregnant, and didn't tell my parents for 5 months. They were hurt when they found out, but promised to help her as long as she was going to school. She's 20 now, going to school for physical therapy, and has a pretty good life. But, I've had other friends have abortions and continue on with their lives. If you honestly think that you can handle it, and have support from ones you love, then I would say be a mom. Also, consider an open adoption, that way you can be in the kid's life, but in a different capacity. Post-poning college can be hard, but you can take summer classes, and take fall off, or do online courses. Baby should be due in November (my friend is about 6 weeks), so thats still time to do exams, but it will be hard. Just make sure you do what YOU want, he doesn't have to carry the baby, nor does he have to worry about missing school because of morning sickness. You can take his input, but I would make sure you make the decision for yourself. Hopefully he will support it. <3



EDIT* My friend's who have had abortions have had a hard time getting over it, one girl I know of actually felt so guilty she purposly got pregnant later on to make herself feel better. Now she has a kid she resents. Remember, if you have the kid, its not just your life anymore... :-)

Answer 27

i hope your a self less enough person to put all your focus into one tiny person and very little into yourself... trust me, i was preg at 18 too, now im 19 with a 3 month old, and my life has turned upside down.. i am sleep deprived, and have no social life, only my boyfriend.. all i can really say is if you have family to help you, and your a strong person and will take care of yourself during this pregnancy and will put this child first, i say go for it.



and one more thing, as crazy different as my life has become, i feel sick thinking about if i had chosen to abort him.. he is my life and i love him with everything i have, i hope i helped.

Answer 28

you cant get an abortion after your 16 weeks pregnant. have you even researched this is yet or jsut went on a mom type website to see how big your kid is yet? 18 weeks is to far along however if your not finantually stable. theres tons of things you can do. fisrt off almost every mom gets wic. you ever go to the grocery store and see little tags on the shelf that say wic? anyways thats where you get a couple of gallons of milk, like a month at a time worth of baby formula, juicy also baby juice, cheese and some other stuff monthley at no cost to you. also you can get food stamps wich are now on an EBT card so its like you regular grocery shop and then use what looks like a credit card and blam...theres your food for you and your new family. and as for baby stuff, you obviousley dont know what your having yet, because you dont find out untill your 24 weeks pregnant but you can have a baby shower or have a friend throw you one...but thats usually a month before you have the baby. also if you and your bf dont live together or yoiu would ever need a baby sitter the state will also take care of daycare costs for you. and nobody ever has to know you have all this. but its so you can live comfortable and be able to support your family. have you seen a obgyn yet? haha even if you dont have insurance the state will give it to you. and your insurance covers everything during your pregnancy and 2 years after you have the baby...unless you have more, they even cover any medicine and your prenatal vitamins...if you dont have them you def should go get some. oh and if you have any questions just ask me.



and when it comes to telling your parents.....you think theyll freek but they might be understanding...alot of parents are excited to be a grandma or poppop-

just tell em and if they get upset then thats just gonna be something youll have to deal with. and if your mom is upset, shell eventually get over it and offer her help.



so now its your turn to start a family.



oh and if your worried about the pain while giving birth...just get the epidural...you dont feel a thing and the best thing is you can ask for more. it doesnt do any harm to the baby and your still alert you just cant feel your body from under your boobs to your knees.

Answer 29

I've heard that it makes the girl feel like poop, but then again so does bringing a baby into this world you can't handle, and even more so giving that baby up for adoption. So.. I still think that the choice is yours. Forget about his ideals, its not his body that will be going through with it. What do you think is best? Ask yourself what you think you want to do. Decide from there.

Answer 30

Have you considered adoption? There are many forms of adoption nowadays. Some couples in Canada even send their kids to live with their birth parents during the summer.

Answer 31

whatever your problem if you are financially stable or not, that is your fault for getting pregnant. abortion is muder and murder is murder is murder. why should you kill someone just so you can live your life he way you want it? i went through a similar situation. i got pregnant with TRIPLETS my first year of college and i had to drop out. i thought it would ruin my life but i kept my kids and i love them very much. i think you would regret getting an abortion if you got one, and also, i wouldnt put your boyfriend throught that pain again

Answer 32

No ive never in my life delt with an abortion! I think that is wrong. You should have thought about that in the first place before you where about to have sex! And since you know your in college and have things going on, why put your goals at risk. Why should a child suffer for your consequences???





I went through the same thing, I got pregnant at 17, I had a scholarship ready for me and, well i was planning to go to college as well. But you know what I didnt have an abortion. I kept my child and finished school. And I'm going to night school now so that I can become and ultra sound technician.



Well I hope you think wisely. Because sometimes, when a women has an abortion, they can end up not being able to have children ever again.

Answer 33

hello. i am a mother of four and if you have an abortion hun you will regret it. once you hold your baby in your arms youll think its the best feeling in the world. and there are many programs you can go through if ur not financially stable. talk to your family and if they truely love you they will understand.

good luck sweetie!



ps. pretty please dont commit murder.*

Answer 34

i would say abort or adoption, Im 36 and have two toddlers and im married and hubby has a good salary BUT ITS STILL HARD.



I dont think people should have kids until they are in their 30's anyway, more stable.



I wish I knew what to tell you except birth control or abstinence. I know so called accidents happen but this could alter your life forever.

Answer 35

Please consider adoption. It would be the best thing for both you and your baby. As far as your family goes, well, you have to face the consequences....

Answer 36

All I can say is don't do it!! I know many women who have had abortions...and they regret it so much...and most of them are in therapy for it....they will probably have depression most of their lives....and if you really think you can't handle a child at this time, there is always adoption....

Answer 37

first of all abortion is a sin and u should not take the life of an unborn child ... in worst case adoption ... but please be straight forward with your family and tell them asap .... the more u communicate the more u solve dont take matters into your own hands especially at that age